Men & Egos, Part 2.

What makes you think you're better than me?

I shit you not, but that's what one dude wrote me via email, which inevitably led me to think the answer simply as: because you just admitted it yourself, dumb-ass.

Come on, you just gave the egomaniac beast in me a chance to right-hook you across the chin there, buddy. 

In most social situations, it'd been awfully inappropriate for me to say thus, but given we don't know each other, and highly unlikely you and I would ever be in a position to get acquainted under such circumstances, I think I'm entitled to say:

And for the record, it isn't that I think I'm better than just you... I probably think that of just about every other guy I see on the streets, and probably in boardrooms too. If you were a woman, I'd bother to be nice and court you for obvious reasons...double that if you're a gorgeous beautiful woman; but when it comes to dealing with men, however, I'm in constant "I don't give a shit who you are" mode. 

***

Probably that sort of thinking makes some women hate my guts, I'll admit -- particularly attached ones who interest me. But in this city where a man's worth is measured in very material terms mostly, I just play by the very expectations and norms that defines the disease that makes one agree that greed is good: if you hate me for being the obnoxious arrogant prick I am, then in all likelihood I probably have a way to intrigue you likewise enough to seduce you, all in the same instance. After close to 2 decades in the game, I think I know just what the hell I'm talking about and just said.

I move quick, and when I do, I slice like a hammer.
- Willy Banks, Ocean's Thirteen.

Golfing & thoughts.

And in addition to business meetings and such, I've been playing a rather lot of golf lately. Nice to see I still have a mean swing after close to 3 years of not playing a single game, and apparently, I'm still playing my old 12 handicap pretty okay. So I realised I'm not PGA material, but at least I don't end up looking like a duck swinging a club...and I'm happy. 

Incidentally, all that golf means I'm a lot more tanned these days, all thanks to our tropical sun; and not to mention one session in Abu Dhabi. 

I hit some really great ones that day.

***

Separate note, I really just can't understand how some guys are happily and openly inviting other men to have a go at their girlfriends. I mean, if I've been called a bastard by the flings that didn't turn out the way the ladies in question wanted them to go, then what on earth would you call men who put up nude photos of the women in their lives with clear facial shots and go "come join us and fuck my wife/girlfriend"?

Okay, so people pretty much choose the ways they want to live their lifestyles, and whatever rocks their world that sort of thing; but if you asked me, I'd very much prefer keeping the good stuff to myself, or if she was the sort who wants to be adventuresome and meet other guys, then I'd prefer not advertising about it on her behalf. 

Meaning to say she can pretty much go do whatever she pleases, but I'm not going to run a "come fuck my woman" campaign. Some things are just distasteful to me.

***

For some reason, I find myself reading quite a bit again too, despite my busy schedule. I'm wondering if it's anything to do with a young one who's been writing me and sharing insights about books and her life, but interestingly, since she reads and has been asking about what's good, I find myself finding time to read again-- sometime I used to enjoy doing, but stopped when things at the old workplace got a little too hectic. Ironic that these days, I'm actually a lot busier, but I find more time to indulge in literary pleasures. Maybe I'm trying to impress her with stuff I read and such, nerdy as it makes me sound.

Then again, I suppose I am a geek, given how much of a bookworm I was back in school, and I had no qualms finishing off novels whilst going through my reading list for A Level English Literature back in the day...so what's packing that one paperback on my business flights these days?

“I don't have a philosophy as such. Maybe a guiding principle, Carnegie's A man who acquires the ability to take full possession of his own mind may take possessionof anything else to which he is justly entitled.' I'm very singular, driven. I like control... of myself and those around me.”  - E.L. James, 50 Shades of Grey.

Men & egos.

So the lady I met at the dinner last evening thought I was a bit of an "egotist" and a typical "Singaporean MCP"-- both accusations I don't even attempt to deny. Ordinarily, I wouldn't take offense at anyone making such observations, and in her case, given what a hot number she's got on her last evening, a pair of luscious lips that are simply inviting for a kiss, and eyes that seem to look right through me, I suppose however big an MCP she may think I am, I could just let the comments pass.

Especially when the comments are nothing in relation to what I'm like as a lover or companion, but more to do with business, since it was more of a social/business networking thing. I used to dread attending such functions, but these days, given the scale of projects I'm getting myself into, I need all the help I can get, and if I have to put on the old monkey suit and spend the evening talking to old farts who nevertheless have access to a world of funds, so be it.

But she isn't an old fart, and her tete-a-tete with me-- more to do with her trying to sound as tough as she could in a world of wolves and lions, all of whom are probably figuring who amongst them would get a chance to shag her-- proved to be quite a respite from stuffy conversations with hedge fund managers and such. They smoked too much anyway.

The irony as I found out is that while she thinks I'm a bit of an egotist and MCP, I chanced upon a conversation she had with a mutual acquaintance...and that was where, to my (very pleasant) surprise, it turns out, she reads this very blog that I'm sure smacks of my arrogance and egoism as well!

I didn't mean to overhear her that time, seriously, because all I wanted was to grab another stem of martini and gin, and I heard the words "Secret Casanova blog..."

Sure, there could be many more secret Casanova blogs out there, but the coincidences...she's been following my previous blogs from 2005, even though I've changed the addresses a number of time. 

In any case, here's the test: you know who you are, and if you're reading these words, here's the egotistic MCP in the dark jacket who told you the problem these days with women is that they're all trying too hard to outdo the men...and believe it or not, I'm the joker whose writing you've been reading all this while. 

"Are we connecting yet?"

You reckon? I mean, chatting the way we do, and talking about stuff in general, I do feel some sort of connection with you, and it's kinda nice. :)

Back to business.

Well I've settled the new venture(s) more or less, and now that things are on track, I finally found some time to blog. 

Amazing how after these few years, my thoughts are still with The Baroness...and I realised how bad I'd screwed up and wish there was some way I could make amends and re-start with her once more. To say the least, and to be very frank, after that bad departure, I thought I'd be able to find someone to connect with the same way I felt I did with her...but no avail. I realised too I should have been a lot more upfront and certain about where I'd like to be with her, and if she somehow asked me again, I'd say I'd it's more like a FB sort of relationship...physical, yet truly build a friendship, but no strings.

Anyway, me being a jerk aside, since the last company and I parted ways, so too did Liz and Sunshine Girl, and while I still meet up with Liz now and then still, I'd had to think thrice about getting her on board in my new venture: can't afford to screw it up in return for a bit of tail, so to speak.

I've been traveling quite a bit on the new business, and in fact in 2 weeks' time I'd be up in Myanmar for a project. Funny thing is how the trips seem to make me think more about The Baroness somehow, and sort of wishing she would be there on the trips with me.

If only.